Dieting 101

If no one sees you eat it, did you really eat it?

Anything you eat before exercising doesn’t count.

Yes you can definitely have chocolate as you only had vegetables for dinner.

Celebrating weight loss with take away is probably not desirable.

You will always feel thinner as soon as you wake up. Put off eating for as long as possible. If you pass out at 3pm, you may have waited a little too long.

Any exercise counts. Take steps 2 at a time. Get kinky in the bedroom. Dance around the room when a good song comes on. Do 5-8 elbow raises on a Friday or Saturday night, with a heavy cylindrical weight in hand, preferably filled with liquid.

Keep your fluids up. Especially bubbly ones.

Only visit the skinny mirror. Change rooms in department stores are NOT skinny mirrors. Not from any angle.

Laugh, cry, eat, complain, obsess, stress, eat, sleep, worry, measure, eat.

Disclaimer: Anyone who gets solid results from this dieting advice should probably sell their story on ACA.

 

 

 

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